The
Style Invitational Week 1007: We give you the crossword, you give us the clues
By
Pat Myers, Updated: Thursday, January
24, 2:41 PM
Once
again, it’s our backward-crossword challenge: We give you the filled-in grid to
an actual puzzle — this one, by Bob Klahn of the CrosSynergy syndicate, ran
Aug. 12 on washingtonpost.com — and you come up with creative, funny clues for
the words and multi-word terms in the grid. Yes, we noticed that there aren’t
any numbers in the grid — that’s because you don’t need them, silly; just list
each word along with your clue for it. The clues should be brief, but they need
not be as short as for a real crossword. (By the way, this is an American
crossword, not a British-style one in which the clue contains an anagram of the
desired word.) Our usual limit of 25 entries per person remains in effect. See
bit.ly/xwordclues1007 for a list of Bob’s original clues.
Winner
gets the Inkin’ Memorial, the bobblehead that is the official Style
Invitational trophy. Second place receives a small jar — brought back from
Istanbul by Loser Mike Gips — labeled “Aprodisaique for Man and Women” and
adorned with a silhouette of a very small male person with an enormous — well,
something that doesn’t need any aprodisaique. (If you are under 18 or have
actual taste, I’ll send you another prize instead.)
Other
runners-up win their choice of a yearned-for Loser Mug or the ardently desired
Grossery Bag. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First
Offenders receive a smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (FirStink for their
first ink). E-mail entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday,
Feb. 4; results published Feb. 24 (online Feb. 21). No more than 25 entries per
entrant per week. Include “Week 1007” in your e-mail subject line or it might
be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone number
with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at wapo.st/inviterules. The
subhead for this week’s honorable mentions is by Jonathan Hardis; the
alternative headline in the “next week’s results” line is by Brad Alexander.
Join the lively Style Invitational Devotees group on Facebook at
on.fb.me/invdev.
Report
from Week 1003,
in which we asked you to take a well-known ad slogan and repurpose it for
another company or organization. Some funny ideas were sent by practically
everyone: “What’s in your wallet?” for Trojan condoms and for the IRS; “the
quicker picker-upper” for Red Bull, for Match.com and for Viagra (also for
Viagra: “You can do it. We can help” and “We bring good things to life”); “the
antidote for civilization” for the NRA; “Snap! Crackle! Pop!” for the American
Chiropractic Association; “Home of the Whopper” for the U.S. Capitol and for
Fox News; “When you care enough to send the very best” for Navy SEAL Team 6;
“Think outside the bun” and “Don’t leave home without it” for Hanes underwear;
and, of course, “A mind is a terrible thing to waste” for the Style
Invitational. So many First Offenders this week we’ll just mark them with asterisks.
The
winner of the Inkin’ Memorial
Find
Your Own Road (Saab) for the D.C. snow removal office. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)
2.
Winner of the raving self-published book: It Keeps Going and Going and Going
(Energizer batteries) for Viper Car Alarms
(Neal Starkman, Seattle)
3.
If Only Everything in Life Were as Reliable as a Volkswagen (VW) for
Viagra (Dana Austin, Falls Church, Va.)
4.
Blow Your Own Bubble (Bubble Yum) for Fannie Mae (Steve Heyman, Chicago*)
The
other wit meat: honorable mentions
When
It Absolutely, Positively Has to Be There Overnight (Federal Express) for
Santa’s Workshop (Cheryl Davis, Arlington, Va.)
Take
Aim Against Cavities (Aim toothpaste) for the TSA (Brendan Beary)
Cover
the Earth (Sherwin-Williams) for BP
(David Kleinbard, Jersey City)
Sooner
or Later, You’ll Own Generals (General Tire) for Lockheed Martin (Dion Black, Washington; Joe Godles,
Bethesda, Md.)
Born
1820, Still Going Strong (Johnnie Walker) for Hugh Hefner (Amanda Yanovitch,
Midlothian, Va.)
We
Never Forget Who We’re Working For (Lockheed Martin) for Grammarly proofreading
software (Russell Beland, Fairfax)
Think
Outside the Box (Apple) for Maryland Cremation Services (Mike Gips, Bethesda, Md.; Jerry Birchmore,
Springfield, Va.)
Little
Place, Big Taste (Checkers restaurants) for La Leche League (Roger Hammons, Ashburn, Va.)
That
Frosty Mug Sensation (A&W root beer) for K2 Skis (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Fair
and Balanced (Fox News) for the Swedish gymnastics team (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Because
That’s the Kind of Mom You Are (Rice Krispies) for Boone’s Farm (Jeff Brechlin, Eagan, Minn.)
Like
a Rock (Chevy trucks) for Bisquick (Ed
Rader, Alexandria, Va.*)
Have
It Your Way (Burger King) for the National Association of Certified
Professional Midwives (Susan Vavrick, Springfield, Va.)
Go
to Work on an Egg (British Egg Marketing Board) for Viagra (Phyllis Reinhard, East Fallowfield, Pa.)
Handbuilt
by Robots (Fiat) for the Romney campaign
(Steve Heyman)
Curiously
Strong (Altoids) for Lance Armstrong
(Jeff Contompasis)
Don’t
Get Mad. Get Glad (Glad trash bags) for Zoloft
(Daniel Bender, Bethesda, Md.*; Trent Galbraith, Enfield, Nova Scotia*)
Behold
the Power of Cheese (American Dairy Association) for Nikon (Daniel Bender)
Think
Small (VW Beetle) for the Texas Office of the Governor (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
The
Joy of COLA (Pepsi) for the Social Security Administration (Jonathan Hardis, Gaithersburg, Md.; Dudley
Thompson, Cary, N.C.)
Get
a Piece of the Rock (Prudential) for Costa Cruises (Dudley Thompson)
What’s
the Worst That Can Happen? (Dr Pepper) for Microsoft (Andy Bassett, New Plymouth, New Zealand)
Engineered
to Move the Human Spirit (Mercedes-Benz) for the Spanish Inquisition (Julius
Sanks, Ashburn, Va.)
Help,
I’ve Fallen and I Can’t Get Up (LifeCall) for the U.S. Congress (Linda Nemo,
Germantown, Md.*)
I’d
Walk a Mile for a Camel (Camel cigarettes) and We Do Chicken Right (KFC) for
the Zoophile Interest Group (Neal Starkman; Dion Black)
Raise
Your Hand if You’re Sure (Sure antiperspirant) for the National Socialist
German Workers’ Party (Robert Schechter,
Dix Hills, N.Y.)
A
Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Waste (United Negro College Fund) for the Harvard
Brain Tissue Resource Center (Christina
Courtney, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Play.
Laugh. Grow. (Fisher Price) for Viagra
(Harry Gross, Centreville, Va.*; David Messing, Washington*)
Go.
There’s Nothing Stopping You (AirTran) for Depends (Mary Binseel, Clarksville, Md.*)
. . .
And You’re Done (Amazon. com) for National Funeral Directors (Jeff Hazle,
Woodbridge; David Kleinbard; Kevin Dopart)
Still
running — deadline Monday night — is our contest to come up with a funny
superhero. See bit.ly/invite1006.
Visit
the online discussion group The Style Conversational, in which the Empress
discusses today’s new contest and results along with news about the Loser
Community — and you can vote for your favorite among the inking entries, since
you no doubt figured the Empress chose the wrong winner. If you’d like an e-mail
notification each week when the Invitational and Conversational are posted
online, write to the Empress at losers@washpost.com (note that in the subject
line) and she’ll add you to the mailing list. And on Facebook, join the far
more lively group Style Invitational Devotees and chime in.
Next week’s results: Dead Letters, or Finishing Touchés